the other day

I started trying to reread one of my favorite books

'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan

I remember when I first read it

I was attending two churches

I had hundreds of friends

I remember when I first read it

it gave me hope

now I almost wince whenever he mentions "church"

a poor child suffers in Uganda

hungry

weak from sickness

without protector

without shelter

and what can I say?

I've lost hope too

a young girl walks the halls of her school

rumors walling her in from every side

she hides in the bathroom and cries

and quits hoping

that the pain will stop

the lies are worse each day

and what can I say?

the christians are no different

the man stands before the crowd

as they shout 

and throw the stones from which the road is made

he opens his arms wide and says all he can

before he is silenced by a black shroud

that makes no sound

and what can I say?

because they have silenced me like you

the days are dark

as if night has consumed them

and there is no light

not in the sky — no moon, no stars

not in the windows I pass by

not even in the children's eyes

nails tear at my flesh — searing pain in my hands and my feet

as I hang

a crown of thorns digs into my brow

spit lingers on my face

blood and sweat mingle with tears

my back has been whipped to shreds

my heart weighs heavy with sorrow

it feels ready to burst within me

every fiber of my being cries out in excruciating pain

as I hang

as I wait

for death

for life

for a Hope that is not another lie in disguise

what of the resurrection?

what of sacrificial, heart-breaking, excruciating, impossible love?

the "church" crucified me

they hated love

they defamed truth

and I had nothing left

all else I sold 

to purchase that which I now die for

and I have no hope left

for I open my eyes and see only darkness

only dim flickers of flame that in the end betray

what now?

I died for the church

I wept, I bled, and I hung for her

because she crucified me

and still

she remains unchanged

ever mocking

ever defiling

ever despising

ever lying

ever silencing

I loved the church

like you

I gave everything to love her

what now?


Copyrighted material, used with permission.